SEX IN MARRIAGE
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Sex in Marriage
Is Sex sin?
- No, its God’s idea not mans.
- God created it and it was the first words God said to a husband and wife - multiply (Gen. 1:27-28).
- Also sex is for enjoyment “Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:5). The Song of Solomon is all about enjoyment not for procreation.
Why is Sex important?
- To fulfil God’s design – in sex the 2 are made 1. Gen. 4.1 – Adam “knew” Eve and they conceived. Why knew….To bring a oneness to a man and woman. Marriage is only official after sex (e.g. Mary the mother of Jesus only had sex with Joseph after Jesus came out). The word to imply sex in Hebrew is “knew.” (Yada) “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived” (Gen. 4:1). Because Sex is a bonding not only of the flesh but also of the soul, the Jewish people knew this. In other words you cannot know your spouse when you are not having sex with them. It goes beyond the physical realm, it goes into the spiritual realm.
Does a wife have to satisfy her husband, or husband her wife, even though she or he doesn't feel like it?
- Yes. 1Cor. 7:3-5 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
What are the repercussions for not satisfying their spouse?
- Immorality will start to flourish because a husband or wife will feel belittled, disrespected and rejected and start to wander. This causes their eyes to wonder and many fall into immortality like adultery or/and pornography. Christians force themselves to stay away from others by taking refuge in pornography or masturbation to satisfy their desire. This is the start of sexual immorality.
In a good marriage - Should sex be spontaneous or planned?
- Based on countless happy marriages – they have one thing in common – Planned sex however spontaneous is an exception to the planned. Those who rely only on spontaneous sex have lousy sex lives – because the chances that both people want it is very low!
- Mostly when sex starts then the other party who didn’t really want to will start to enjoy it.
- E.g. Tuesday, Friday and Sunday in the evening/afternoons when the kids are sleeping/bed room door locked etc.
- Another reason why planned is good – because any acts of kindness may be seen as a incentive/lure to have sex and thus negatively impact the marriage. It stops the wrong perception.
Is sex a form of bartering or an incentive for a spouse to do something?
- No, you are not a prostitute.
- It is true that it is used as a power tool by both husband and wife. But their bodies aren’t theirs, so if one wants to have sex then they must not deprive them. It could be that just before sex is the only time a husband and wife will listen. So have the discussion. BUT the outcome of the discussion whether positive or negative shouldn’t change to not having sex unless both parties agree not to.
How many times a week is normal to have sex?
- The general “consensus” is twice a week - however the scripture says do not deprive one another.
Are there any parameters based on scripture to deny another Sex?
- If both agreed not to BECAUSE of prayer and fasting to God. Once done they need to come together (1 Cor. 7:5).
- When the woman is bleeding (on her period - Lev 20:18 ) or after giving birth (Lev. 15:20-24).
- Wife or husband is ill – the law of love another as yourself.
Is masturbation acceptable?
- Only with consent of the spouse - now this isn't supposed to be a substitute for the other’s spouses lack of responsibility (1 Cor. 7:4) The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Is it ok for the wife to touch herself at the same time, to ensure she is satisfied?
- With the consent of her husband.
Can I use pornography to help spice up our sexual life?
- Definitely not – this is fornication and causing adultery. Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Mat 5:28).
- If you are struggling with pornography here is one of the best strategies to overcome - https://heavenscatalyst.org/encounter/overcoming-lust/
Is Anal Sex acceptable?
- The act of anal is perversion - The Bible speaks against sodomy – whether it is a man or a woman it is sodomy – where the name comes from - Annus sex. Rom 1:26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature (moving from natural use is perversion. Anything against the natural order causes issues, sicknesses….. ah SIN). Rom 1:27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. Rom 1:28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting.
Is Oral Sex acceptable?
- Oral sex is a perversion. Let me specific and say “blow Jobs” are wrong because women will be drinking blood, life (sperm is a naked form of blood). “For the life of the flesh is in the blood” (Lev 17:11). I know this is in reference to animal Blood – but if this is animal blood surely the starting point of blood is more of a no no.
- What about Oral Sex for a wife? I don't see any reason no but I would ask the question why - Isn't the normal position satisfying enough!
Is contraception acceptable?
- Yes, some say it is going contrary to the “natural order”. However unlike animals mankind has been given control and animals are not, i.e. Animals mate in seasons. Animals don’t think about having children therefore they mate regardless. We have the choice to sow seed or not to. And having said this, the choice should be we must multiply (Gen. 1:28). The Multiplication is what God wants, but the amount He leaves up to you. Know this thing: Happy is a man who has his quiver full of them (Ps. 127:5). How much is in quiver? 12-80 arrows. So if you want to be happy have more children. Isn’t it amazing the world says opposite is true….
- What about condemned Onan for birth control (Gen. 38:7-10). The reason God smote Onan was: 1st He agreed with his father Judah and broke his word. 2nd Not doing what was right by raising up seed on behalf of his brother (Gen. 38:8), it was his duty (Deut. 25:5).
So what kind is good contraception?
- “Making the knot” “or the snip” is bad for men (Doctor’s can’t prove that there is not negative impact). Anytime you permanently change the natural order of the body you are causing issues. The body will find a way to cope but it is not optimum.
- The “pill” is bad for women (Doctor’s can’t prove there is no negative impact).
- So it really leaves the conventional “Condom” which is external but who knows if the lubrication is good?
- However the best form of contraception with the lest side effects, with some risk, is the rhythm technique (sex outside the ovulation periods)