SEX IN MARRIAGE
If suffering from pornography addiction here is an article to Overcoming Lust
Biblical Sex in Marriage – Q&A
Is sex sin?
• No, it’s God’s idea, not man’s.
• God created it, and it was among the first words He spoke to a husband and wife: “Be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:27-28).
• Sex is also for enjoyment: “Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:5). The Song of Solomon is about enjoyment, not procreation.
Why is sex important?
• To fulfill God’s design – through sex, the two become one. Gen. 4:1 says Adam “knew” Eve and they conceived. The word “knew” (Hebrew: yada) implies a deep, intimate oneness.
• Marriage is consummated through sex. For example, Mary (mother of Jesus) only had sex with Joseph after Jesus was born.
• Sex is a bonding of both flesh and soul, and the Jewish people understood this. Without sex, true intimacy ("knowing" your spouse) is lacking. Sex connects the physical and spiritual realms.
Does a wife have to satisfy her husband, or a husband his wife, even if she or he doesn’t feel like it?
• Yes. 1 Cor. 7:3–5: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband… Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
What are the repercussions of not satisfying a spouse?
• Immorality may flourish. A spouse may feel rejected, disrespected, and unloved, leading to wandering eyes, adultery, or pornography.
• Some Christians, in resisting affairs, turn to pornography or masturbation, which opens the door to sexual immorality.
In a good marriage, should sex be spontaneous or planned?
• Based on countless happy marriages, planned sex is key. Spontaneity is the exception, not the rule.
• Couples relying only on spontaneity tend to have unsatisfying sex lives due to mismatched timing.
• Often, the spouse who didn’t initially feel like it ends up enjoying it once it begins.
• E.g., Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday evenings/afternoons when kids are asleep and doors are locked.
• Planned sex avoids misinterpretations—kindness isn’t mistaken as a lure for sex, preserving healthy communication.
Is sex a form of bartering or an incentive for a spouse to do something?
• No, you are not a prostitute.
• Sex should not be used as a power tool. Neither spouse owns their own body (1 Cor. 7:4), so if one desires sex, the other should not deprive them.
• Sex may create a space for meaningful conversation, but the outcome of such discussions should not determine whether sex happens unless both agree.
How many times a week is normal to have sex?
• The general consensus is twice a week. However, scripture simply says: “Do not deprive one another.”
Are there any scriptural parameters for denying sex?
• During fasting (1 Cor. 7:5).
• When a woman is menstruating (Lev. 20:18; Ezek. 18:6) or after childbirth (Lev. 15:20–24).
• If the spouse is ill – guided by the law of love: love your neighbor (spouse) as yourself.
Is masturbation acceptable?
• Only with the consent of the spouse. It should not substitute for a spouse’s neglect of their responsibility (1 Cor. 7:4).
Is it okay for a wife to touch herself to ensure she is satisfied?
• With her husband’s consent.
Can I use pornography to spice up our sex life?
• Definitely not. Pornography is fornication and leads to adultery. Jesus said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28).
Is anal sex acceptable?
• Anal sex is considered perversion. The Bible condemns sodomy.
• Rom. 1:26–28 refers to exchanging natural sexual relations for unnatural ones as “vile passions” and "debased."
• Anything against the natural order can cause physical and spiritual issues—it's sin.
Is oral sex acceptable?
• Oral sex (specifically “blow jobs”) is considered perverse because it involves consuming what is viewed as life (sperm = blood). Lev. 17:11 says, “The life of the flesh is in the blood.”
• Oral sex for the wife: not clearly condemned, but the question arises—why is it necessary? Is the natural act not sufficient?
Is contraception acceptable?
• Yes. Some argue it’s contrary to the “natural order,” but unlike animals, humans have choice and control.
• God said to “multiply” (Gen. 1:28), but how much is left to us. Ps. 127:5 says, “Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” A quiver could hold 12–80 arrows, suggesting more children bring happiness.
• Onan (Gen. 38:7–10) was condemned not for birth control itself, but for disobeying his duty to raise seed for his brother (Deut. 25:5).
What kind of contraception is acceptable?
• “The snip” (vasectomy) and “the knot” (tubal ligation) are seen as bad because they permanently alter the natural body.
• The pill is also questionable due to potential side effects.
• Condoms are external and relatively safe, though concerns exist about lubricants.
• The best method with the fewest side effects is the rhythm method (avoiding sex during ovulation), though it carries some risk.
